My responses to the biggest love dilemmas

Valentine’s day is tomorrow!

Are you and your significant other making plans?

Or are you a #singleton ready to take the city by storm with your squad?

Or perhaps you haven’t given the holiday a second thought and are much more focused on the latest episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airing tomorrow night.

Whichever you may be, here are my opinions on some of the biggest mysteries of love and relationships in an little ode to Valentine’s Day.

1.  Do you believe in love at first sight?

I’ve never personally experienced love at first sight, but I do believe that anything is possible.  I’m not the most dramatic person and rarely do I “wear my heart on my sleeve,” however I think there are people who love fiercely and never question their emotions.  I met my college boyfriend at a party during our junior year and as we began talking, I instantly knew that we would be a couple, however I didn’t think I was in love until months later.

2.  Longest relationship and why?

My current one.  My husband and I have been together for 4 years (married for 6 months).  Our communication has been stronger than any other past relationship I’ve experienced.  We both had spent a significant amount of time being single prior to dating and I think that greatly strengthened our knowledge of who we are as individuals and the type of person we would be most compatible with.  We also happen to be complete opposites in a variety of ways which I think only bonds us closer.

3.  Favorite celebrity duo?

John Krasinski and Emily Blunt.

4.  Have you ever been dumped?

Once and it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me in terms of my love life.  I learned so much about myself post break-up and I grew immensely as an individual.  It was my long-term college boyfriend who I thought I’d marry and play housewife while he got his vet degree.  I was blindsided at first but hindsight is truly 20-20 and I’ve only been grateful that he was able to read the writing on the wall when I could not.  I enrolled in post-graduate classes, paid off my car, got a second retail job in addition to working my accounting day job, and eventually made enough money to comfortably buy a home in the city.  My friendships were strengthened and multiplied and I really enjoyed getting to know who I was and what I was capable of on my own.  I also lost 20 pounds!

5.  What’s your breakup playlist?  

I’m not a very patient person and I don’t tend to mourn and listen to slow, moody music…I coped with my breakup through angry alternative rock songs with pumped up beats that motivated me during long workouts.  My favorite way to get over the sadness and hurt that comes with rejection was to jog it out for long miles around my parents’ neighborhood in the burbs.  Britney Spears’ #Stronger was my anthem.

6.  Deal-breakers?

I’ve been very fortunate that basically all my relationships were fairly healthy and I truly dated some great guys.  There’s no bad blood between me and any ex…100% of my relationships fizzled out when the attraction slowly went away.  A primary deal-breaker for me would be if I’m not feeling like I’m his main priority.  If you’re not into me, don’t waste my time.

7.  What’s your breakup mentality for what you do with the sentimental stuff? (Notes, cards, presents, etc.) Do you give it back? Hold onto it?

Throw it all away.  I purge every last evidence of the relationship.  I also don’t keep in contact with any of my exes.  If we didn’t have social media, I probably wouldn’t remember half their names from high school and early college years.  Nothing against them, I just don’t like to live in the past and I think it makes it very hard to open yourself up to a new relationship and gain the trust of someone you’re wanting to date when you can’t let go of that ex-baggage.

8.  What’s your take on taking a break?

I’ve never done this before, probably because I don’t believe in it.  If either person is feeling like they want out, it needs to be over.  Especially the older we get, life is too short to waste time with someone you’re not really sure you want to be with.  That doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t get your space.  I’m crazy-introverted, and when my husband and I first began dating, he was able to recognize those qualities in me.  He would make a point to give me some alone time after work before he stopped by so I could re-energize and re-group.  And after awhile, I discovered I wasn’t so dependent on that alone time and I grew to prefer to be with him as much as possible.

9.  Valentine’s Day – do you celebrate?

I’ve always loved this holiday, single or not.  It happens to be my Dad’s birthday (he turns 60 tomorrow!) so that was always a good reason for chocolate cake and visiting loved ones.  I attended an all-girls private high school and we were allowed to wear pink or red and jeans to celebrate the day (versus our strict uniforms) and I loved the excuse for a new outfit to parade around my friends.  With or without a significant other, I always liked the idea of celebrating love, whether you’ve already found it or are waiting for the one to come your way.

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